It’s Time!
You’ve been reading all the posts on the bathhouse’s listing on Sniffies and Squirt. Guys on Scruff and Grindr have been asking you to meet them there. You’ve watched one too many bathhouse porn scenes. You’ve decided: I’m going to do it! I’m going to the bathhouse!
But then part of your brain kicks in, starts the sweat glands and other anxiety symptoms, and you think, “But I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what to expect.”
Never fear. Auntie Bathhouse Queen is here to help ease those nerves! I’ve been going to the baths for decades. I know the ins and outs, the secrets, the tips, and the tricks (all puns intended).
Pull up a seat, and let’s chat about your first visit to the baths!
How do I prepare?
Good question! You don’t want to get there and find out that you could or should have done or brought something important.
- It might be wise to shower at home if you’re going to the bathhouse from home. While the club has showers, their soap probably isn’t the brand you use at home, and they probably don’t provide shampoo or conditioner.
- If you think you might bottom, clean yourself out properly and thoroughly. Auntie isn’t an expert in this area, so you may want to find other sources for how to do it well. There are good guides out there (including on YouTube) on bottoming.
- Most bathhouses provide condoms free of charge. Some provide a small packet of lube. But don’t bet on it. You might want to bring a condom or three and your own lube if you use them.
- If you use poppers, bring them with you. You can probably buy them from most bathhouses, but they might sell out, and their price is almost definitely higher than the other places you might buy them.
- Your room or locker will have its own key, but it’s wise not to bring valuables that you don’t need. Definitely don’t wear any expensive jewelry or anything that can’t get wet.
- Plan your “outfit.” Bathhouses don’t allow you to wear street clothes inside.
- Most guys wear the bathhouse’s towel around their waist
- Many guys wear a jock (only or under their towel); many also wear a harness
- Fetish gear and pup hoods are seen sometimes — and very prevalent if they have theme nights
- Some guys are naked the whole time they’re there (auntie almost always is)
- You’ll probably want to wear shower shoes or flip flops
- If you’re on PrEP or DoxyPEP, take your meds. You know the doctor’s or pharmacist’s instructions; follow them.
A word about a drink before the baths
If you’re a drinker, a drink before visiting the baths can help calm your nerves, but don’t overdo it. Drunkenness and the baths don’t mix.
- You don’t want to accidentally stumble and fall in a dark space
- You can’t give and receive consent when you’re drunk
- You almost definitely won’t have a good time
What to expect in the bathhouse
All the feelings are normal
You’re feeling nervous — maybe even anxious. You might be a bit body-conscious. You don’t know what you don’t know.
Breathe. That’s all normal. Even I go through some of this before visiting a bathhouse that’s new to me.
When you get inside, you might feel anxious (again), confused, or overwhelmed. Those feelings usually go away after a few minutes as you settle in and remember that you’re there to have fun.
Checking in at the front desk
I cover a lot of this in Entry Process, but there are a few things I specifically recommend to newbies.
- If possible, go with a friend — or try to go with someone you connect with on a cruising site. It can be reassuring to have someone to cruise around with or to check in with occasionally. This isn’t a hard and fast rule. It’s perfectly fine to go alone, even the first visit. Most people do.
- Consider getting a room (unless money is an important consideration, then choose a locker because they’re less expensive). It’ll be good to have a place to relax when you feel overwhelmed. It’s also good to be able to go somewhere with a new “friend” you want to play with, but you’re not quite into playing in a public space.
- You’re going to need to present picture ID. A few clubs will actually hang on to it while you’re inside.
- It must be yours.
- It must be valid.
- It has to be the physical ID itself, not a picture or the electronic version on your phone.
- You need a way to pay to get in. Almost all bathhouses accept credit and debit cards. A few only accept cash, so you might want to double-check with their website or call them first.
- Let the person at the check-in desk know that this is your first visit. If the club allows, and if they’re not too busy, they may give you a tour. Some clubs offer this as a “perk” of being new.
Once you’re inside
Explore
- Go to your room or locker and get undressed.
- Leave your phone or smart glasses in your room or locker. Phone usage is usually limited to your room, the locker room, or a lounge. Pictures and videos are almost always prohibited.
- If you’ve been dancing in a club before the baths, or it’s particularly hot outside, take a shower. Not everyone is into sweat and musk.
- Even if you took a tour, walk around to see what and who is where.
- Bathhouses can often be laid out like a maze, so walk around a couple times until you remember where important places are (like the restroom, your room, and that really cool space where you might want to play later).
Observe
- Cruising in a bathhouse is different than it is in a bar/club or on the street — and definitely very different than the apps. Take a few minutes to see how others are doing it.
- If a piece of equipment looks interesting or unfamiliar, hang around to see how others use it. No one is born knowing exactly what a gloryhole or sling is and how to use it.
- Remember that guys playing in public spaces realize that others might watch. That’s part of why they’re doing it. Don’t be embarrassed to let your inner voyeur enjoy the show!
Cruise
- Decide if you want to stay in your room, wander the halls, hang out at a gloryhole or other play space, or some combination of all those choices.
- Be on the lookout for who interests you — and who is interested in you.
- Decide what you want to do and with whom. (You’re in charge of this. No one can force you into anything that you don’t want to do or with whom you do it.) Hanging around, watching, and playing with yourself for a while — or even for your whole visit — is just fine.
- Have fun!
Cruising Notes for Newbies
I said it above, but I’ll say it again: Cruising in a bathhouse is very different than cruising almost anywhere else (except orgies, circle jerks, and sex parties). It’s very nonverbal and almost exclusively physical. That’s important to keep in mind for your first visit: You will be touched more than you would expect outside the baths. That’s typical and usually expected in a bathhouse.
The most important thing to remember is that, no matter how physical the process is, consent must always be requested and granted.
- Don’t think that you have to give in to every person who approaches or touches you.
- You don’t have to allow someone that you’re not into continue to touch or pursue you.
- If you’re not interested, a simple No, stepping away, or gently moving someone’s hand is enough.
- You are in charge of what you do and do not want to do and with whom.
Some things to know
- While I mentioned that most cruising is nonverbal, it’s still quite okay to insist on a bit of talking.
- If you want to have safer sex, be sure to say so or to ask your potential partner.
- If you’re not into something that is happening, say No or ask them to do it differently.
- If you don’t want to hook up with someone until you’ve chatted for a bit, invite them to a lounge area, the snack bar, or back to your room.
- When something is going really well and you’re really into it, a few encouraging words to your partner will guarantee that they’ll continue.
- The first indication of wanting to have sex together is often a touch on the arm, leg, chest, or maybe elsewhere.
- If someone is touching you and you aren’t into them, brush away their hand politely but firmly.
- If you touch or approach someone and they reject your advance, it’s polite to apologize and to move away. I often apologize, leave the general area, and remember who wasn’t interested so that I don’t accidentally try again.
- Once both parties have agreed, it’s Game On, and things often progress very quickly.
- If you want to slow it down — especially if you’re enjoying what’s happening right now and you don’t want it to stop even in favor of something else — say so or otherwise make it clear that you’re really liking what’s happening now.
- If someone continues to pursue or touch you after you’ve rebuffed them, you can make your further rejections stronger, but don’t respond to rudeness with rudeness. If it gets really bad and they simply won’t stop, report them to the front desk. That’s often cause for the bathhouse to warn them or to kick them out.
Bathhouse hygiene tips
- Many bathhouses have douching stations, in case you need to clean out. They might even sell douche at the desk or snack bar if you didn’t bring any with you.
- The showers are there for you to use as often as you’d like.
- It’s not a bad idea to rinse off (at the least) after each session.
- Definitely shower before getting in a hot tub or swimming pool. It’s not just sanitary: Hot tubs get really gross quickly if too many people get in with “DNA evidence” all over them.
- Scandinavians love to take a cold shower after sitting in a sauna, steam room, or hot tub. Here’s your chance to try it!
- If your towel gets too wet, stop by the front desk. It’s typical to exchange your towel at least once per visit.
- Some bathhouses even provide mouthwash stations. You’ll know when you need to use it. It’s best not to have to be reminded.
When it’s time to leave
It’s important to know that it doesn’t matter how long you stay at the bathhouse. Are you having a lot of fun? You might choose to renew your room or locker when time is up. Things aren’t great, or you’re feeling overwhelmed? It’s quite all right to leave — even after a short “visit” — and maybe come back another time to try again.
The exit process
- If you’ve been having a lot of fun, or if you’re heading somewhere else right after the visit, take a shower — or at least wash the parts that have your or someone else’s DNA on them.
- Go to your room or locker and get dressed.
- Check to make sure that you have all your belongings.
- Check again. No, I’m not kidding. The room or locker room might be dark, and you might accidentally leave something behind. Auntie knows firsthand all about realizing where one has left that credit card, umbrella, or <gasp!> iPhone.
- Take your towel (and in many clubs, the bed linen) and key to the front desk.
- Some clubs allow you to run a tab for snacks, or you might have stayed a little overtime. If you owe anything, pay for it.
- If you left your ID at check-in, be sure they return it before you leave the checkout area.
- Before you walk out the final door, triple check for everything. Yes, I mean it. This is what would have saved me from having to walk back from home to pick up my phone.
As you head home
Remember: It’s not a Walk of Shame. You’ve just been to the baths for the first time. If you’re walking funny, that’s a sign that you had a great time!
Your first visit might be exciting, awkward, fun, overwhelming — or all of those at once. That’s normal. You’ll learn quickly what you like, what you don’t, and how you want to experience the baths next time.
Have more questions?
If you’ve read this far and you still have questions, visit my page You have questions about the bathhouse (FAQs). If you can’t find an answer to your question, reach out to me at [email protected]