First, a word from your auntie
I’m one who believes that we spell Pride “LGBTQ+” You, my trans and genderqueer lovelies, are an important and essential part of our community. Trans people played a central role in the Stonewall uprising. Many of them nursed their gay brothers through the AIDS crisis when no one else would help. You remind us that we all need to learn to live into who we truly are — and to be celebrated for doing so.
However, the bathhouses and many bathhouse patrons still have a lot to learn about welcoming our trans siblings, friends, and neighbors into the clubs. Most of them are learning, and there is hope.
Where it’s getting better
Many bathhouses have quietly begun allowing trans people to be their patrons. Even some of the clubs that still advertise as “A place for men to meet men” (or something similar) are finally recognizing that “men” is a gender identity. Some are also allowing trans women to join in the fun.
There are also clubs that are hosting trans or “all-gender” nights regularly. My home club, Club Philly, hosts a “Transgressions” party on the second Monday night of every month, and I have a few “bathhouse buddies” who prefer that night over the busiest nights because there’s less “hypermasculine” behavior and attitude.
Will I be welcome?
Auntie can’t guarantee that yet. It’s probably wise to call the club (no matter what their website says or doesn’t say) and ask them about being a trans person in their space. Read the reviews and comments on sites like Squirt or Sniffies — even ask a question to see if a regular will respond to you. If you’re satisfied that you can go as your whole self and feel comfortable: Do it, and have fun!
When you do, everything in Cruising in a bathhouse still applies: eye contact, body language, and mutual interest and consent. Some people will be excited to engage. Others may not be. Both are part of the experience.
Remember: If something doesn’t feel right, you can leave, step away from the situation, or talk to staff.
Bathhouses are evolving, just like the rest of our community. You deserve to take up space in them — on your own terms, and in your own way.
The baths are getting better, but we still have a way to go
Change is happening because people like you are showing up.