Let your freak flag fly at the baths!
An intro to this page
First things first: We’re going to discuss sexual activities between consenting queer adults, and it will be honest and straightforward. If any part of that sentence makes you uncomfortable, you’ll want to head to other parts of the site.
Second, you don’t need to be into a particular kink or fetish or consider yourself part of a particular subculture to enjoy your visits to the baths. That said, each of us has that special something we really like or would love to try. The bathhouse is a great spot to try many of them!
The vanilla stuff
Or, things that happen almost every day at almost every bathhouse in the world
Bathhouses are about sex between consenting adults, and many encounters are different than the sex that you would have at home with a hook-up or partner, like:
- Anonymous/low-conversation encounters which tend to be the bulk of the encounters in any bathhouse; most of the interaction is guided by body language
- Showing off and public play: Having your fun out in the open, with the knowledge and even express goal that others might watch or join
- Voyeurism: Some folks watch while others play
- Threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes: People start to play, and others are invited to join in the fun
- Gloryholes, where the guys on either side have a great time and others might watch or encourage
- Power dynamics, whether you’re taking charge, following someone else’s lead, or something in between
- Caged subs looking for even stronger domination and the doms ready to take charge
- Light roleplay: Daddies and sons; pup hoods, leashes, and tails
- Clothing and materials: Leather, denim, latex, and so on; cross-dressing
- Sensory kinks: Foot or nipple worship; sneakers, socks, or gear; musk and natural body scents
- Body adoration: Bears, otters, big bodies; hairy or smooth; twinks, twunks, or muscles
Like I said, you don’t have to be into anything in particular to enjoy the baths. Join in whatever seems like fun. Watch if something isn’t quite your thing; you’re just observing and learning what’s possible. And once in a while, you might just try something new to you!
Theme nights
A lot of bathhouses host events or theme nights. These allow groups of people with common interests, kinks, and fetishes a chance to get together in a no-judgment zone and enjoy themselves. Common themes include
- Leather and denim nights, where more articles of clothing are seen than most other times at the baths
- Daddy/son nights, so that those into age-play have safe spaces to play
- Bear nights or other nights dedicated to bigger bodies and/or hair, like BearUnion
- Sex parties that have high attendance and feature lots of public and group play, like CumUnion Check your local club’s website or call them for information about any theme nights that they host.
Hardcore kinks
Many folks come to the clubs because they don’t have anywhere else to be sexually free, to enjoy their favorite fetish or kink, or to try something new. (Remember, though, you don’t need a label, kink, fetish, or role to come to the bathhouse.)
Here are my thoughts on some of these and how I’ve seen them experienced at the baths.
Remember: No matter what I say, each bathhouse has its own rules. You’ll want to check their website or rules posted around the club to be sure what is and isn’t allowed. If you’re uncertain, call or ask at the desk as you check in. Violating a club’s rules might result in being warned, kicked out, or even banned from the club. (See Banning)
Watersports
Subject to the club’s rules, it’s probably wisest to keep piss play to the “wet areas” (that is, the shower area or other places with drains and plenty of water to clean up during or afterward). Some guys may ask about swallowing pee during oral sex, but again, it’s best done when you’re sure you can clean up if necessary.
CBT or bondage/BDSM
These require the full consent of everyone involved. It’s also probably wisest if you keep it all pretty light in public spaces because the crowd around you might not be into all the things that turn you on. My home club, Club Philly used to have a St. Andrew’s cross with some light rope. It didn’t really get much use, so they removed it after a couple years.
If you’re into heavy BDSM or extreme pain, tread very cautiously. You’re in a very public place (even if you’re doing it behind the closed door of your room). Remember that the others in the club will hear all the sounds, and that will make many of them uncomfortable. If you’re considered a nuisance, the staff will probably ask you to stop or force you to leave.
Scat or blood
These two are almost always prohibited by a bathhouse’s rules. Violating such rules in most places will result in being kicked out and a permanent ban. (See Banning) If the rules don’t mention them, I still think it’s not wise: It’s very hard to clean up — even if you’re the most conscientious customer possible. Remember that you’re in a very public place, and the staff have to keep it as clean as possible.
The Kinky, Freaky Takeaway
We all go to the baths to have fun. Many of us go to do things we can’t do anywhere else. Some of us go to try something new and exciting. Together, we make the bathhouse an important part of queer culture. Let’s be open to what is different from our own interests and experiences. And let’s all remember to be mindful of the others around us as well.